My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
