Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
