R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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