a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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