she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
