so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize