Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
