First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
