gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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