If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
