it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
