I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just want to make out with him forever
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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