It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
