so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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