Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
