the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My dick has a subreddit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
