your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
