Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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