Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
