I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
