I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize