I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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