totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
