my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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