ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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