I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
