THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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