just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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