Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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