I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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