I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
