Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
