I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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