He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
