a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
