She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
