dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
