went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
