I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
