Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
