I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
