You work out of a Hotel?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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