She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
