He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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