so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
