apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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