And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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