what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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