I will die if light touches me.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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