I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
