he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
