I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
