9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
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I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
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He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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