He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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