waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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