nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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