We named our party play list daddy issues
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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