I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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