I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize