There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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