I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
