Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
