I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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