I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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