I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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