You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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