Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
