I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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