I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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