just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
