no, he came in my armpit
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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