it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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