Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
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it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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