She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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