Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
