dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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